Most Valuable Phony

So David "Big Papi" Ortiz just recently hit his first homerun in 149 AB (At Bats) this season.

This is the same guy who single handedly changed the culture of the Boston Red Sox... he was a Dominican version of Babe Ruth. But now the guy has about as much power in his bat as David Spade had in the film "The Benchwarmers."

Question: Did Big Papi take PEDs (Performing Enhancing Drugs)? I'd have to say YES!

I don't hate Big Papi... he's definitely a good dude. But any and all evidence would seem to suggest otherwise.

These are his homerun totals with the Minnesota Twins:

1997: 1 HR/ 49 AB
1998: 9 HR/ 278 AB
1999: 0 HR/ 20 AB
2000: 10 HR/ 415 AB
2001: 18 HR/ 303 AB
2002: 20 HR/ 412 AB

Big Papi doesn't seem so big now does he? The same dude who helped the Sox come back from a 3-0 deficit against the NY Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship Series was only able to muster up a career high of 20 HR in '02. I'd say that he was more like Small Papi with the Twins.

These are his homerun totals with the Boston Red Sox:

2003: 31 HR/ 448 AB
2004: 41 HR/ 582 AB
2005: 47 HR/ 601 AB
2006: 54 HR/ 558 AB
2007: 35 HR/ 549 AB
2008: 23 HR/ 416 AB

Now isn't that a complete transformation. He goes from swinging a bat like a minor leaguer to swinging a bat like a living legend... I truly smell something fishy here. While all of this is going on in Boston it should be noted that when he arrived to town he instantly became best friends with Manny Ramirez (Who's currently serving a 50 game suspension for testing positive for PEDs).

The Minnesota Twins are excellent talent evaluators... and I don't think that they would've released Ortiz if they would've known before hand that the guy could clobber homeruns about as easily as Perez Hilton could draw a penis on a celebrity photo.

I mean is it really a coincidence that as soon as Major League Baseball begins to crack down on PEDs Ortiz's homerun numbers begin to go down as fast as Karrine "Supahead" Steffans goes down on a rapper at a videoshoot. I think not.

Pretty much the version of Big Papi that the Red Sox have is the same Big Papi the Twins had when he hit 20 homeruns in '02.

Be careful Big Papi... I mean I know that you're innocent until proven guilty, but your career stats would seem to suggest something different.

Oh Big Papi who hit 54 homeruns in '06... where art thou?

[Photo courtesy of tory1993.wordpress.com]