Word of the day: Man-Crush

Man-Crush: This occurs when a man has a "crush" on another man in non-sexual manner but in an idolizing manner.

Sentence: After having watched "I Love You Man" I have a giant Man-Crush on Jason Segal.

[Photo courtesy of www.myspace.com]

Murs: The Pain

Ladies and gentlemen the man above blessing us with his verbal skills is Murs, he's from Cali. This track is called The Pain, and this is one kind of pain that most fellas could easily relate to.

"I'm a little bit shaded by a lot of what I see
So if you're still interested you should come get at me
Cause I'm tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed
I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed"

What I love about Murs is that he keeps 100% G (Gangsta). While other rappers rhyme about having money, women, cars and anything else of monetary value that most people can't relate to, Murs rhymes about being a real dude having to deal with real issues. Here he rhymes about the trouble he's facing in wanting to get together with a female who probably wasn't right for him from the beginning.

"They say that good girls love bad guys and that might be
But a bad girl with a good guy, that's unlikely
So what's a man to do to get to hold hands with you?
Do I talk shit and stand and look hard with my crew?"

Good girls love bad guys... but a bad girl with a good guy? Like Murs said, that's unlikely. I don't think I've ever seen a bad girl with a good guy. It's pretty much always the other way around. I've had my personal experiences with bad girls and just like the fate of every white female in the "A Nightmare on Elm Street" movies, it has never ended pretty.

The next two lines speak in volumes. A lot of guys always put up this tough exterior and try to act hard... and all of this is done just to get a female's attention. Whatever happened to just being yourself. I could easily picture some fool acting tough, "I'll kick anyone's ass if they just look at me." In the meantime it so happens to be that a really pretty female walks by and she happens to over hear what the idiot just said. Lol, I don't know how this could possibly develop into something meaningful.

"Said she had a boyfriend, just trying to be nice
But I've heard the same lines from different women all night
Too easy let down, but don't let it get you down
Shit, that's what my boys told me, but end of the night
I was still sitting lonely, if only I could find 'em
Without all the drama, without the one-liners
Excuse me miss, hey mam, you got a man, what's ya name?
I'm in my mid-twenties so enough with the games
Simply put I think you're stunning, and what about some kids?
A couple dogs, a couple cars, a four bedroom crib?
Look, I'm not trying to jib, I'm just speaking from the heart
But we can start with a drink if you wanna play it smart
She looking at my boy who got two kids at home and
I know how it goes, here's his number telephone and
He does the girl's turf, and I know you're smelling on him
But every b**** needs a dog, so I guess that's why you want him"

The entire section above is pretty much the story of my love life. I can't even count the countless times I've been rejected and I've had a friend or my sister tell me, "Don't worry Dwin you'll find somebody." Yup, only if it was that easy. After each and every rejection I go back to my drawing board to figure out what to do next. It sucks to always end up back at square one... it's tough but that's just life, I keep it moving.

It's songs like these that I could listen to repeatedly and never get tired or annoyed. Thank you Murs for making tracks like these for all of us guys who aren't complete ass*****.

Word of the day: Friend Zone

Friend Zone: It's the zone every man wants to avoid when it comes to a female he likes. Being in the Friend Zone is like joining a gang... once you're in it's hard to get out. To explain what being in the Friend Zone means I'll just quote Ryan Reynolds' character in the film "Just Friends.":

"See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp."

Sentence: "Dude Ashley told me that I remind her of her brother Josh... I think I'm stuck in the Friend Zone."

[Photo courtesy of www.mrswagger.com]

Joe Budden: Are you in that mood yet?

I know I know... Joe Budden is wack to all of those who don't actually take the time out to listen to him. Yes his first and only album on Def Jam did flop... I mean the dude did at least release to hit singles: Pump it up and Fire. What I like most about Joe was the fact that he was a local dude from Jersey. All of that bulls*** doesn't matter though... what does matter is the song I posted above.

Look over the quotables below:

-"It's stuck between platinum and flop, underground and mainstream
Concious, backpack, scratch that, same thing OH"

-"I'm somewhere between the real and the fakeness
The red pill, blue pill, real and the Matrix"

-"I don't enjoy bein shunned, so I'm back as Neo
Fans enjoyed The One, annoint me as begun"

-"I just let n***** get a head start YEAH
I walk to the finish, y'all spread out chase
Nah sprint out pace, and I'll still win the race YEP
See I'm joggin
Other n***** legs starts wobblin, when opportunity is start knockin"

-"I'm far from a "YES" man, I'm a trend setter
It's no games, just a Def Jam Vendetta"

-"Don't put n***** in the same sink as me
I mean metaphors, storylines, deep s***, club s***, girl s***, world s***
They don't use to ink like me
N***** don't even think like me NAH"

-"Your first week ain't right, they can't f*** wit 'em
Now if you don't sell 5 mill, they had enough of 'em
Let me find out Hip Hop's turnin' Republican"

-"I'm the Mets, was suppose to be ill in '05 WHOA" (This quotable stings just a little since I'm a Mets fan)

-"No names should be mentioned but mine, unless you talkin' Big Pun in his
prime
Maybe '96 Jay, before Dame was throwin' money around
Or 2pac without Humpty around
Or 50 before Em, Nas talkin' like a gun in his song
Cam'ron during "Children Of The Corn"
Beans before the cops came through and try to grill 'em
I'm talkin '95, Big L before they killed 'em
Em before 8 Mile, Shyne before the deal sh***
Canibus, no album out before the L s***
Talkin' bout Kiss, DMX when he was f*****' wit coke
Or "Cuban Linx," Raekwon and Ghost
I do it all, who blendin' so well in the game
Talkin' Fab, back when he was still spellin' his name MANG
On my Diddy s***, Memphis, Grizzlie s***
Like back in the day when Clue swiped all of Biggie's s*** N****
Rappers don't need trouble with I
Unless it's Rass Kass before the D.W.I
Or Talib with Mos, Common before "Be"
If they any less common, don't put 'em before me
See, I'm not a rapper, I'm a prophet
Chill Joe stop it, skill will speak for you, don't pop s***"

OMG!!!!!! STOP IT JOEY... YOUR KILLING 'EM!!!!! This song is a lyrical tongue lashing...

Even though it's damn near three years old I still hold this track near to my heart. The beat sounds sinister... this song inspires me to take over the world!

Let me just say this about this track... the ENTIRE song is a quotable!

Word of the day: Shocker

Shocker: Is a popular hand gesture with a sexual connotation. The gesture refers to the act of inserting the index and middle fingers into a vagina and the little finger into the unwitting anus, hence the "shock". Also known as "two in the pink, one in the stink."



More Shocker euphisms courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

-Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco.

-Two in the condom muncher, one in the donkey puncher.

-Two in the hair pie, one in the brown eye.

-Two scoops of strawberry, one scoop of chocolate.

Sentence: The only way I'll ever truly love her is if she'll let me give her the Shocker.

[Photo courtesy of www.qbn.com]

Dwin's Dimes: Julia Bond

Stats:
Birthday: 2/26/87
Birthplace: Long Beach, California
Measurements: 36C-25-35
Height: 5'0 ft. tall
Weight: 100lbs
Profession: Adult Film Star



Best Features: Ass, belly piercing, tattoos and everything else.



When I first laid my eyes on this pretty young female the first thing that came to my mind was... She's way too damn pretty to even be in porn. That was before I saw her tushy and the first thing that I thought about was:

"I'm the new phenomenon like white women with ass..." Ludacris- Blow it out

She's white, with a bloated butt and she has a cute face... I think I might just be falling in love. Don't get me wrong, I do love my Latin women... but Julia Bond certainly does rep white women well.

Besides the obvious cute face and delicious rump the one feature that makes Julia unique is definitely her tattoos... which include:

-Two cat paws on her chest.
-A tramp stamp on her backside above her buttcheeks that says "Daddy's Little Girl."
-A circle design around her belly button.
-A till death do us part tat on her left arm.
-One on her right arm.
-The last one is a set of angel wings that takes up almost her entire back... she's certainly one very naughty angel.

I don't mind a girl with tattoos... as long as they look right and sexy. With Julia Bond I know the angel wings do tend to go a bit overboard... but I still find her to be a very foxy lady.



Julia pretty much has that "Girl Next Door" look, which I love, but with a seductive side. Julia Bond you're definitely a dime in my book.

[Photo courtesy of olharesportivo.wordpress.com]
[Photos courtesy of www.lataco.com]
[Photo courtesy of www.trytyku.com]

Word of the day: Bukkake

Bukkake: Is a sexual practice that features a person being ejaculated on by multiple men.

Origin: It's been said that Bukkake was originated in ancient Japan where an unfaithful woman was publicly humiliated by being tied up as every man in town ejaculated over her.

Sentence: The town whore can usually be found at any after hours spot being jizzed on by every guy present... it's like she's the Queen of Bukkake.

Hoop Heroes: Cherokee Parks

His name is Cherokee Bryan Parks... and most people will definitely not recognize him at all. Only hardcore NBA fans will remember him. The only reason why I know him is because when I use to collect NBA trading cards as a young lad I would ALWAYS get his card in most of my packs. I felt as if the NBA was trying to mind f*** me with his name.

Parks began his basketball journey playing for Coaching legend Mike Krzyzewski and Duke University. He would selected by the Dallas Mavericks in the 1st round of the 1995 NBA Draft. Throughout a decade long career Parks played for the Mavericks, Mineesota Timberwolves, Vancouver Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers, San Antonio Spurs, Washington Wizards and Golden State Warriors.

Let's take a look at his career stats:

Career Games: 472
Games Started: 151
PPG: 4.4
RPG: 3.60

Career Highlight: It definitely has to be winning the 1992 national title with the Duke Blue Devils as a freshman.

Fun Fact: Parks' mother named him after his great-grandmother, who was a member of the Cherokee tribe.

Cherokee Parks you might not be an NBA legend... but you're certainly a legend in my heart!

[Photo courtesy of cache.gettyimages.com]

The N.....

Let me just say that I don't condone the use of the N word.

I was shocked the first time I saw this clip on Youtube. Hearing Booker T. use the N word on the old WCW sounds about as bad as hearing Larry Bird call a white teammate a honkie. I laughed so hard the first time I saw this clip I damn near cried... and I still laugh everytime I see it.

What makes the clip even so amusing, besides hearing the N word, is who Booker calls the N word. He says Hulk Hogan... yes that Hulk Hogan, the same one who starred in Rocky III as the famous "Thunderlips." Mr. No Holds Barred, Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando... that very same Hogan you saw in those American classic films.

Hearing Hulk Hogan being called the N word on live television reminds me of a Paul Mooney (Comedian) observation where he mentioned brilliant things such as these:

- Tom Cruise as The Last Samurai?
- Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts starring in a movie called The Mexican?
- That's like having Tom Hanks star in a movie titled, The Last N**** on Earth.

You have the unbelievably white "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Sherri Martel. I don't know Stevie Ray, Booker's brother, managed to keep a straight face. If that was me I would've laughed out loud.

Well Booker even though you messed up big time... I still think you're the man!

"Hulk Hogan... we're coming for you n****!"

New s***!

Why is it that everytime I go to Hoboken, NJ, I always hear these same damn three reggaeton songs all the damn time.

Your s*** is weak people... come on!

Every single time I go to Bahama Mamas it's always the same thing on Thursday nights. I don't mind the $1 beers, that's why I actually show up in the first place. I don't mind hearing people sing karaoke... it's pretty amusing. Most of the females who come to the bar are also attractive. What does bother me the most is that when they play actual music, they always play the same three f****** songs that I posted above.

Music has a catalogue that is beyond extraordinary with sooooo many choices to pick from... but Bahama Mamas seems to think that these three songs above are the only reggaeton songs available on planet Earth.

If it was up to me I'd go into the bar with earplugs just so that I won't have to hear this garbage. Don't get me wrong though... I do love dancing to this garbage but can they at least play something that's at least a bit new. I don't want to dance to some old ass songs from 4-5 years ago.

The most amusing part about this is when these songs come on... if your Latino you'll accept it and you'll dance to it. If you're Caucasian you're getting excited and amped up about these old ass songs as if you were Julia Stiles when she hits the club up in Save the Last Dance (Sorry).

Bahama Mamas... I love your $1 beers but you need to step up your music game!

Dwin's Dimes: Carmen Villalobos

Born on July 13, 1983 in Barranquilla, Colombia (YES!), I fell in love with this Colombian beauty as soon as I saw her starring in Sin Cenos no hay Paraiso (which literally translates to Without Breasts there is no Paradise).

Carmen plays the title role of Catalina Santana, a pretty young prostitute who seeks a boob job in order to escape her life of poverty.

This pretty young female is beauty at its finest for me. She has that "Girl Next Door" look. A really cute face, nice little body AND she's Colombian... she's my ideal kind of female.



If you ever want to catch a glimpse of my future wifey (lol, YES!) you can see her on Sin Cenos which is shown on Telemundo Monday-Friday at 10pm or you can also watch it on Mun2 Monday-Thursday at 9pm.

Carmen, you're so beautiful my dear... so beautiful that I'd suck a fart out of your ass!

[Photo courtesy of www.nydailynews.com]
[Photo courtesy of webnovelas.forumup.org]

Oliver's Twist

So my beloved NY Mets are (2-1), that's not bad. I couldn't help but notice who pitched yesterday for the Metropolitans... it was the enigmatic Oliver Perez.

I'd honestly like to say that if the Mets don't succeed this year... part of the blame should go to Oliver Perez.

Before I tear this pitching douche a new ass**** let's take a look at his career stats:

2004: 12-10, 239 SO, 2.99 ERA
2005: 7-5, 97 SO, 5.85 ERA
2006: 3-13, 102 SO, 6.55 ERA
2007: 15-10, 174 SO, 3.56 ERA
2008: 10-7, 180 SO, 4.22 ERA

Ladies and gentlemen please meet the King of Inconsistency: Ollie Perez.

Watching Ollie pitch is like watching any of the five Saw sequels... they are either good or bad.

When Omar Minaya traded Xavier Nady for both Ollie and Roberto Hernandez I thought that it was a very smart move. During that time Pedro Martinez was gone for the whole year so the team needed a starting pitcher to help the team. He certainly did help the team out in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS Championship Series against the St. Louis Cardinals... even though we lost.

Ollie's inconsistency gets redundant after a while. His upside includes that fact that he's 27 and that he could definitely be a strikeout artist when he's locked in. He could pitch a solid gem against a good team like the Atlanta Braves, Philadelphia Phillies or even the NY Yankees. His downside is that he'll just lay an egg against teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Washington National.

I'd definitely give a lot of props to pitching coach Dan Warthen for having patience with Ollie... I know that if I was his pitching coach I would've been heated as soon as he walks the 1st batter in a game.

The Mets paid Ollie $36 million to come back to the Mets this past off-season... he needs to earn that money. The Mets overpaid for Ollie... instead of overpaying for Derek Lowe (who I wish we had). So now us Mets fans must cross our fingers and hope... we've been hoping for 2 seasons and a half... that Ollie will turn things around and potentially become a great pitcher.

Man up Ollie...

[Photo courtesy of www.nydailynews.com]

Movies that don't suck: The Wizard (1989)

This is a long lost flick which not a lot of people remember (Or at least that I know of). As a young lad I didn't see the movie until it came out on VHS (this is before DVDs people) in 1990.
I remember watching this movie and saying to myself... sheesh I wish I could be like that kid. With that kid being Jimmy (Luke Edwards). The movie is A Beautiful Mind meets Nintendo. In the movie Jimmy is retarded (mentally challenged). He doesn't speak but yet he is the man at any and all video games... especially Nintendo.

If that's not freaking awesome enough, Jimmy also has two half-brothers: Fred Savage as Corey and Christian Slater as Nick. That's about as cool as having a third nipple.

The villain in this flick is Lucas Barton (Jackey Vinson)... and trust me I had a personal vendetta against this ass****. Not only was this kid awesomely good at video games but he also had the almighty Nintendo Power Glove!

F.Y.I: I remember asking "Santa Clause" for a Power Glove... and I never got it. I don't even think that dissapointment is even the word.

When Jimmy and his cohorts hear about a video game tournament offering a cash prize of $50,000 they hitchhike to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida, so that he could participate in the Nintendo World Video Game Championships.

The particular parts that I loved most about the movie is the video games that are shown throughout the movie.

- Rad Racer
- Ninja Gaiden

Last but not least it's Super Mario Bros. 3, what's interesting is that the game is shown for the very first time in the movie. The game was already released in Japan but it was yet to be seen in the U.S.

I don't want to ruin the rest of the movie... but if you're The Wizard then I don't think there's nothing stopping you.

If you love Nintendo then you'll love The Wizard.

[Photo courtesy of Wikimedia.com]

Hoop Heroes: Bimbo Coles

In life there's no game that's as much fun as naming random NBA players which only real sports fans will actually recall. The NBA goes through players both new and old about as often as Marv Albert loves saying the phrase, YES! These true NBA greats never get the proper love they so rightfully deserve... no need to worry though that's why I'm here to make sure that nobody forgets these hoop heroes.

For my 1st installment I thought I would show a little love to a man who's name I found very amusing since the first time I saw him throughout my collection of NBA trading cards when I was a young lad.

Ladies and gentlemen... allow me to reintroduce Vernell Eufaye Coles aka. Bimbo Coles #12.

As a guard, Coles played college ball for the Virginia Tech Hokies. He was selected in the second round by the Sacramento Kings in the 1990 NBA Draft... and he would end up having his draft rights traded the very same night to the Miami Heat for veteran guard Rory Sparrow.

One notable career highlight: He would end up being traded along with Kevin Willis to the Golden State Warriors for Tim Hardaway and Chris Gatling.

Let's take a look at this man's incredible career averages:

Career games: 852
Games started: 354
PPG: 7.8
APG: 3.9
RPG: 2.10

Fun Fact: Coles was a high school outfielder selected by the California Angels in the 53rd round of the June 1990 Major League Baseball Draft.

Bimbo... the legacy of your name will always live on!

[Photo courtesy of bestsportsphotos.com]

A New Beginning: 2009 NY Mets

I'm a NY Mets fan... I know:

- We collapsed in 2007.

- We collapsed in 2008.

Being a Mets fan is similar to watching Tales from the Crypt... it's corny, cheesy and not scary but funny. Yet you're still strangely amused.

I've been a Metropolitans fan through the best of times (1999, 2000, 2006) and through the worst of times (1993-1998, 2001-2005).

Growing up I was always intrigued by Mets... especially at the height of their terribleness. The Worst Team Money Could Buy is a moniker that will NEVER be forgotten. Just look at these notable names:

Eddie Murray
Bobby Bonilla
Jeff Kent
Todd Hundley
Joe Orsulak
Jeremy Burnitz
Howard Johnson
Vince Coleman
Tony Fernandez
Dwight Gooden
Bret Saberhagen
Butch Huskey
Sid Fernandez

I haven't seen an eclectic group of individuals such as these since I watched Hanna-Barbera's Wacky Races when I was younger. These Mets ended up losing a whopping 103 games.

The reason why I bring this putrid situation up is to show that I've experienced far worse than two stupendous collapses.

This year I see things differently... and after seeing the Mets defeat the Cincinatti Reds 2-1 I know that there will be better days for the Mets. This is definitely a good start though.

From top to bottom our roster has plenty of good players who should help make something special out of this year. Now that the team has their 1st win all they could do is build on this momentum and just keep it going.

The only way to make all of the haters have a big cup of shut the f*** up is by simply doing what's best... winning. Let's go Mets!

[Photo courtesy of Newsday]

The biggest baby in the NFL... Jay Cutler

Congratulations Mr. Cutler!!!!! You finally got your wish... you're officially the new savior for the Chicago Bears. Before we move ahead lets go over some key moments that led his inevitable exile from Denver.

- After having missed the playoffs after a 4-0 start, the Broncos fire Mike Shanahan after 14-year stint.
- The Broncos hire NE Patriots offensive coordinator, Josh McDaniels, as their new head coach.
- McDaniels inquires about trading for QB Matt Cassel from the Patriots. Who's eventually traded to Kansas City.
- Cutler gets upset upon hearing about the Matt Cassel ordeal and asks to be traded.
- Cutler puts his house up for sale and his parents house for sale.
- McDaniels believes that he could still patch things up between Cutler and himself.
- Things never get patched up and Jay Cutler is traded to the Chicago Bears.

This entire debacle leads to what has to be the quote of the year in the NFL:
"I was surprised they decided to trade me this soon. I didn't want to get traded. This wasn't me. (The Broncos) had been going back and forth saying things, wanting me to be their quarterback and then they didn't. I really didn't want this. I love Denver. I really like my teammates. I didn't want it to get this far." Jay Cutler

That's real cute Cutler... I hope you know that right now you're the NFL's #1 Douchebox. Believing the notion that Cutler loves Denver and he likes his teammates is about as believable as having Bill Belichick say that he likes and respects the NY Jets.

So let's see what Cutler leaves behind:
- A high powered offense in Denver.
- WR's Eddie Royal and Brandon Marshall.

Let's see what Cutler has in Chicago:
- WR's Devin Hester and Greg Olsen?
- A non-explosive offense.

I'll give it to the Bear's... their defense is still good enough to hold it down. Besides having an incredible rushing attack in Matt Forte and Kevin Jones... there's nothing else to work with.

We shall see what happens with this trade... so far I'll definitely give the edge to the Bears. Instead of having bums like Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton (who combined still wouldn't be half as good as Cutler) they now have an actual quarterback in Jay Cutler.

[Photo courtesy of allposters.com]